Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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