I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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