I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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