There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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