Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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