these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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