Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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