Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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