I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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