I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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