My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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