Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize