Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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