i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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