I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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