After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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