and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize