I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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