I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize