I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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