Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize