I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My bed smells like the plague
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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