he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize