Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
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