Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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