how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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