my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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