I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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