Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You made out with two different species that night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize