If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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