I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize