There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize