Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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