just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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