how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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