Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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