Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize