Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They took my balls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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