Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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