My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize