Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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