I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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