you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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