i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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