we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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