I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize