The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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