Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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