What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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