And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm always down for nudity.
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