Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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